Pete Wicks Just Hard-Launches His Romance with a Reality Queen (Because That’s What We Needed)

Sigh Another day, another romantic faux pas fresh off the reality TV assembly line. Our former TOWIE star, let’s just call him Pete, couldn’t contain his eagerness to showcase his latest conquest, a certain reality queen known for her notorious split earlier this year. After a magical getaway in Ibiza, complete with a barrage of kissy selfies that would make anyone roll their eyes, he decided it was time to unveil their relationship to the masses on Instagram. How original and thrilling. Yawn.

PETE, 37, turned the internet into a flurry of excitement last week with a slew of loved-up pics from their sun-drenched escapade. Meanwhile, our favorite chaos agent, Olivia, 35, was cheeky enough to declare they were the worst-kept secret in all of reality land. I mean, they were practically glued together when they weren’t busy sucking face on the beach.

In a recent episode of his Staying Relevant podcast — which feels more like a crisis hotline for drowning reality stars — Pete got all sentimental about how he really missed Olivia after a few weeks apart while she was, you know, doing some filming abroad (and definitely living her best life sans him). How tragic indeed.

He waxed poetic about their fabulous time together, claiming he even backflipped off boats. Please, darling, what is this, a scene from a teen beach movie? And regarding their wonderful dinners and boozy nights out, one can’t help but wonder if their culinary choices are as questionable as their relationship decisions.

His co-host, a certain Sam Thompson, chimed in with the earth-shattering revelation that he was in the loop about this romance for a while. You don’t say, Sam! How shocking!

In conclusion, brace yourselves, darlings. The reality TV love train has officially left the station, and judging by the history of these two, we might be in for a derailment sooner than expected. Buckle up!

—Dahlia