Cruz Beckham’s Birthday Serenade for Sister Harper (It’s Just as Cringe as You Imagine)

Cruz Beckham, the self-proclaimed star of the Beckham family drama, just dedicated a song to his little sister Harper because she turned 15, and apparently that’s a big deal. He took his alleged chaos to London, where he serenaded her at his latest gig, calling her ‘special’ and claiming it was her favorite song. Adorable, right? Cue the eye rolls.

The entire fam jumped on the social media bandwagon, with every single member posting sappy tributes—except for Brooklyn, who’s off living it up in L.A. with his wife instead of joining the celebration. Convenient. Meanwhile, mom and dad, David and Victoria, were busy stirring the pot in Miami, unleashing an Instagram storm of nostalgic baby photos featuring little Harper and her estranged brother. Victoria apparently decided to poke the bear by sharing a toddler snap, knowing it would upset Brooklyn. She wrote some heartfelt drivel about how proud she is, which is, you know, the same thing every parent says when they’re trying to get the most likes.

As Harper likely dances through this family drama, probably rolling her eyes at her brother’s cringe performance, let’s all sit back and see how long it takes before someone skips out on cake next time. Because that’s the real drama we’re here for.

—Kit